“Once, long ago, this farmer worked his fingers to the bone so his son could learn to be a clerk at the castle. Every day, the farmer’s son walked many dangerous miles to the castle for his classes, but one morning a beautiful girl stepped out onto the path holding a magic potion. ‘Drink this,’ the girl said, ‘and you will feel so fucking good.’ Now, the farmer’s son, truth be told, had dabbled in this kind of potion before, but he knew it was wrong and had sworn off it. This girl, though, she was so kind and beautiful, he figured, what the hell? Well, I don’t have to tell you the rest, do I? Except to say that the beautiful girl turned out to be an evil skeezy witch who wanted to gobble up the farmer’s son, which made the farmer’s son act out in some emotionally hurtful sexual ways he couldn’t control. The farmer’s son did make amends to everyone involved, except the witch. He can’t talk to the witch, because she’s evil and contagious with spiritual cancer. Yet here she is tonight, the skank, testing me, testing me. You want war, bitch? Let’s do it. Your lame underdeveloped humanism is no match for my tower of higher power!”
